The Dark Hedges

Northern Ireland, Taken on September 2019

Embracing Motherhood

I was reading a book this morning and in it the main character talks about how her mother embraced motherhood, it was her mother's purpose in life. This nugget of a thought stopped me in my tracks. I wondered to myself, have I embraced motherhood? To be honest, probably not. Maybe I should.

I don't know if the very act of having children and raising them is me embracing motherhood. I love my children and they both are at a fun age where everything is still knew to them. At the same time, I'm also wanting to travel and hike, which is hard for them to do for a long enough time at their young age. I do long for the days of alone time and quiet time spent reflecting and writing. And maybe, these longings and my stay at home isn't exactly me enjoying motherhood.

I told myself that I would embrace motherhood. I don't know what that means. I don't know if I should enjoy potty training more. I do know that I need to be more present with them. I probably need to be more grateful for this precious time that I have with them. They both are already getting so big and independent. I do know that I miss them when they are gone and they miss me when I'm gone.

If you have any suggestions for me about embracing motherhood or even parenthood, let me know. 

My Boys

Tuesday's Tune: Ocean Eyes

I heard this song sometime last year and meant to blog about it, but I didn't have as much time then. I was so intrigued not only by the singer's voice but also the lyrics. Can you believe that the singer first sang this song when she was thirteen years old and probably recorded the song at that age (or at fourteen years of age)? I think she may be turning eighteen this year (talk about using her time wisely and being productive).

When I heard this song, I immediately thought of my sons and their beautiful eyes. Especially when they were newborns. I remember looking deep into their ocean eyes (although, now that I think about it, I should've done it more), with deep unending knowledge and seeing galaxies in their eyes. I remember it was painful to keep staring into their eyes because there was so much unspoken knowledge and their memories of their spiritual world was still so fresh in their minds. As much as I bemoaned about having to care for my children as babies (e.g. not enough sleep, poopie diapers, throw-up), I miss those days of just being able to hold them in my arms. 

What comes to your mind when you listen to this song?

Mother's Day

When my children's father asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day, I immediately told him my plans, which intentionally didn't include them. There was no hesitation and no contemplation. I just needed a break from the three of them. Of course, I might go out to lunch with them, but I need time away (I'm with my boys for practically most days).  

Then last night, while coughing, I pulled a muscle on my right side. It hurt and it also hurts to breathe deeply. So, my Mother's Day plans had to be changed. I didn't get to do all that I had planned, but I got a little alone time. Of course, I spent most of my day with my boys. It wasn't a bad day and I very much enjoyed their company. Don't get me wrong, I love my Mr. Man and our boys. Sometimes, I just need a break.

I hope you had a great Mother's Day. Sending much love, light, and laughter to you.

Lessons Learned

Last month I took my little family back to California so that my siblings and I could throw a party for my father (he turned 65 years old). There were hiccups as we counted down the days to my father's party, but we as a whole survived the event.

The party didn't go according to plan, but it turned out fine. One thing that became so obvious during the party was that so many of the Hmong people we invited, who are of the same clan but not immediate family members, didn't show up. My father was quite devastated that they didn't come. Yet, what was very interesting was the fact that a lot of my parents non-Hmong friends did show up. These people were friends that my parents had made in the last several years who cared enough to come to a birthday party held on a Saturday night, specifically for my father. It was quite moving, to be honest. I think it really opened up my parents' eyes that those that cared for them don't have to be Hmong.

We have to plan another birthday party for my mom in a couple of years, but we've learned so much from my dad's party. Hopefully, we will survive that one too. Hopefully, my parents will be open to inviting all of their friends again, regardless if they are Hmong or not. 

Friday's Quote: Tupac Shakur

Image credit: HyperLeo.com

Life has been chaotic this past week. And I really do mean, CHAOTIC! It's not my own personal life that's chaotic, but members of my immediate family. Our family drama has emotionally drained me in ways I had not imagined (and the week isn't even over). After the shock, the overwhelming feeling of helplessness, and trying to figure out a plan, I'm emotionally spent.

Despite all the bad things happening to my family members, it does highlight some positive things that have come out of this chaotic week. First, I'm so glad to have my Mr. Man and to be able to lean on his shoulders. Second, I'm also proud of my siblings for being able to get along in our time of need. Lastly, I know we can make it through the dark nights ahead and believe that there is a brighter day awaiting us. As much as I don't want my family members to go through some of the things that had occurred this week, I also know that many of my siblings had to experience the chaos in order for them to realize that they need to get their respective life together (I hope). I think there's still hope for all of us, individually and as a family.

How are you doing? I hope your week has been a lot better than mine. :(

Tuesday's Tune: Enchanted

Okay, I've posted more of Taylor Swift's songs on Tuesday's Tune than I'd like to admit, but this is such a sweet song. I don't even know how it came into my YouTube feed, but it did. And I listened to it. It's not one of her best musically, but I do like the lyrics, which is why I'm sharing it today on Tuesday's Tune.

I remember being enchanted once by this great person. Did we become friends? Yes. Did we ever date? He wished. Are we still friends? No. But I couldn't help but think of him when I heard this song. I don't think about him too often, but when I do, I like think of how enchanting he was, how it was great that I got to know him, and how enchanting our time was together.

Does this song remind you of anyone.

New Family Traditions

I had meant to write this earlier in the year, or at least at the end of December. With too much to do and not enough time, the writing about my new family tradition slipped my mind. Now that I've remembered, I wanted to write about how my family and I are trying to watch a movie together every Christmas.

It started in Christmas of 2017. I visited my siblings in Texas. While there, my brother and his girlfriend wanted us to watch "Pillow Talk," which we did. It's an older romantic movie starring Cary Grant and I was surprised about how much we all loved that movie.

This past Christmas, while in California with my family, I suggested that we keep it going and use it to start a new tradition. It would be an activity we all can do together (other than eat) and it wouldn't exactly limit people from leaving/joining once the movie started. We agreed that we would watch an older and more vintage movie (although, some of my siblings and I disagree as to whether 1980s and 1990s movies should be classified as vintage). So, we watched the "Shining."

I now can't wait until we get together again and pick another movie to watch. I'm really excited for this year's gathering and maybe we'll even make popcorn. 

Have you started any new traditions with your family, and if yes, what are the traditions?

Potty Training: An Update

I wrote here about the beginning of potty training my oldest. Tomorrow, it will be a week. I just wanted to share an update: My oldest is finally getting the hang of potty training. Now, this doesn't mean that he's able to tell me right away that he needs to use the potty. Once in a while, he fights me about needing to use the potty, but once he's on it, he'll tell me that he's going to pee (and he does). Today was the first day he finally did more than pee in the potty, but I had to catch him and drag him to the toilet (there was some staining, but not a lot).

I think he hasn't fully figured out the sensations of needing to pee and poop. Yet, he understands that he has to pee and poop in the potty. He also doesn't want to be in a diaper/pull up anymore during the daytime, but it's okay to wear during the nighttime. At this time, he prefers wearing an underwear than a diaper.

I also admit that I almost gave up. Earlier this Monday morning, the potty training didn't go smoothly at all. I thought he may not have been ready and I was really ready to throw in the towel. So, we all took a nap and in the afternoon, I thought I'd give it one more try before giving up. Hooray for us, he used the potty. Of course, there have been accidents since then, but the progress has been great. I also had to check myself and my expectations, reminding myself that this is a whole new experience for my son. I can't penalize him and it really is my fault for having such high expectations.

So, onward we go. No going back at this time.