Dear Friend,

I've written to you before.   Again, I write this specifically for you.  You told me that you haven't been reading my blog lately.  I hope that if and when you do, you will see this post.  

Why am I writing this to you?  Well, I've been slowly making my peace and showing gratitude to those that have made an impact on my life.  Now, I've already written you two stories, which are really expressions of my gratitude, but you didn't like my stories ("MM" and "CVS").  So, I guess this is my last attempt to tell you my gratitude, in a very transparent and public way. 

My Friend, saying that you've made an impact on my life is an understatement.  You have been my constant companion for the last ten years.  Your love is like the sun behind clouds; always present, even when I couldn't see it.  You've held my hand through some of the toughest periods of my life.  You've been patient with me, even when all others have given up and left.  You've given me your love, even when I felt I least deserved it.  You've forgiven me, when I really didn't deserve it. 

I thank you for all that you have done for me.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for being my best friend for so long.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life and a part of your story.  Thank you for your time.  Thank you for stretching your heart so wide that it covered me and helped me weather through all the storms that I came across.  Thank you for just being you.  I really don't think I can ever thank you enough.

Friend, I will take your advice and live one day at a time.  Like you, I too shall cultivate my hopes and dreams.  And like you, I shall take what life gives to me on a daily basis.  I don't know what the future holds and I will stop trying to figure it out.  What I do know is that I would've never gotten this far along without you.  I will continue to hold you in my heart.  I will continue to love you. I will continue to only wish wonderful things for you and your life.

Thank you.

Nco Kuv Me Me

I have a really embarrassing secret to share.  I don't even know why I'm sharing it.  I've been wanting to better my Hmong.  I hardly have the opportunity to speak it with others and I really don't know how to read and write it.  So, here's my shameful secret . . . I go and watch YouTube to learn how to speak and read Hmong, and to learn new Hmong words.  I don't do this often, but it's my number one way to learn Hmong.  (I'll save for another time, my other embarrassing method of learning to read and write Hmong.)

So one of the songs I've learned from is called Nco Kuv Me Me.  Literally translated, it says "Miss Me a Little Bit."  The original singer of the song is Lue Yang, but there's a more modern version of the song by the artist Kaishek Vang.  I love both songs, but I was only able to find the modern version that had the lyrics on the screen.  Check it out  you have time.  If you want to check the original version by Lue Yang, check out this webpage:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAPtRiu7D6o

Do you know how to read and write Hmong?

My One Big "Do Over"

Do you have one "do over" that you wish you could have?  I do.  

I was rewatching the movie "13 Going on 30."  It's such a kooky and charming movie.  The movie came out in 2004 and stars Jennifer Garner, whose character is named Jenna.  In the middle of the movie, Jenna asks her mother if she could have a "do over" and what would it be.  Of course, her mother says that she wouldn't do anything over because all of her experiences contributed to making her the person she is.

I'm in agreement with that statement.  I like to think I still have a lot of living to do, and so far I don't have regrets or would change any of my experiences.  Yes, that includes my chaotic upbringing, the lonely paths I've taken in my life to reach my dreams, and even my bad relationship choices (yes dude, I don't regret you).

But like I said, if there's one do over I could have, I would redo this one moment in time:  I would tell my brother that I loved him before he died. I don't even see this "do over" as a regret or even changing my experience.  I'm not wishing that the situation would've never happened because I can't speculate on what could've been done by may family and me to save him (and it would drive me nuts thinking about all the "what if" scenarios).  Instead, I like to think that I could've added more to my life experience by being more expressive and letting my brother know that he is loved.  So that is my one do over I wish I could have.

Do you have a "do over" you wish you could have?

Friday's Quote: Robert Louis Stevenson

"To forget oneself is to be happy."---Robert Louis Stevenson

I've been thinking too much about myself lately.  (During Thanksgiving, other than taking my nephew shopping, I only shopped for myself.)  It sounds horrible, but it's not that bad.  I realize that it was something I had to go through in order to balance myself and my life.  I've been taking care of people all my life and have thought so little of myself.  I've cared for my family, even when I'm far away, and for the first time in a long time, I actually had the energy and time to just focus on me.  Even when my beau and I were living together, I think I took good care of him.  Of course, he took care of me too, but I think I did more of the emotional work.  So, lately it's been all about me, myself, and I.

Now, I will continue to care for myself, but I think I'm ready to put myself on the back burner for a bit and focus on other things and other people.  I've been slowly participating in several projects occurring outside of my life and my normal work hours, and so far I've been happy with the experiences.  I've always known that I'm happiest when I'm useful and helpful to others, and I'd like to continue participating in these opportunities.  This cuts into some of my time of writing and working on my creative "projects" (e.g. quilt making, scarf making, upholstery), but I will make time and finally stop procrastinating.  I'm excited to see what else comes my way.

What do you focus on, outside of yourself, that makes you happy?  Or do you need to take time to focus on yourself so that you can focus on others?

Dear Winter,

I know you must come every year.  Especially to this part of the world.  It just has to happen.  Without you, the moose will continue to die off, there would be no ice skating on the lakes, and you provide a really good excuse for me to stay home and do nothing.

Yet, must it be this cold?  This morning was 7 degrees F.  Today's high is supposed to be 10 degrees F.  Yes, I know all the jokes about the cold keeping the rift raft out of Minnesota and building that distinct character that's "Minnesotian," but does it really have to be so cold?  I know that none of my siblings will move here to live on a permanent basis.  Even my dear friend, who swears that she'll come here first if she ever decides to move, will immediately leave after experiencing her first real winter.

Today, I regret not accepting all the marriage proposals I've had from those who didn't live in Minnesota.  I'm also regretting not accepting the marriage proposals from those who did live in Minnesota and agreed to move elsewhere.  What is wrong with me?  I guess I'm a sucker for you, Winter.  I'm a big sucker.

So, Winter, please keep the cold to a minimum.  I know it's supposed to be very very frigid this whole week, but if you do intend to go -20 degrees F, then please do it over this weekend.  At least that way, I can pour boiling water outside and see it instantly turn into vapor (hey, I'm trying to be positive here, even at a scientific level).

It's a Winter Wonderland

"Good Morning!" said the snow.

Thanksgiving and Dre Beats

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  So far, I've had an awesome evening.  Tonight, I got myself a pair of Dre Beats.  I've been salivating for a pair for the looooooongest time.  So, weeks ago when I saw that Wal-Mart had some as a doorbuster item (usually retailing at $199) for it's Thanksgiving Day sale, I didn't think I was going to be able to get a pair.

Then this evening, I found myself at Wal-Mart, waiting for two hours inside the store for a pair.  Thank goodness I didn't have to wait outside the store, and I literally had to beg a customer to give me this pair.

How am I feeling about the headphones?  I'm ecstatic!  I've been wanting a pair for so long, and definitely not the super expensive ones that require batteries.  I'm happy with what I got.  These are really portable and it even has its own pouch.  I must add, the box that it came in is so well built.

Well, I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  To my wonderful friends that invited me to have a meal with them, thank you.  To all who sent wonderful wishes my way, thank you so much.  To my family, I love you all, yes, even the difficult ones.  Thank you.

Did You Have One of These?

[Yes, this phone still works.]

Three Lessons

On Monday I was asked to make a quick speech about three lessons I would teach children and why.  Now, this blog posting is a better reiteration of my quick speech, but it's still within the gist of what I said.  I wanted to write about it because I've been trying to follow through on what I'm saying and I hope that by writing about it, I will apply it to my life.  So, here it goes . . . .

The following are the three lessons I would teach children:

One, believe in yourself.  If you don't believe in yourself, how are you going to get others to believe in you?  You should be the biggest supporter of yourself.

Two, believe in your dreams.  Sometimes your dreams may not match up with what your parents and society expect out of you.  But that doesn't mean you give up on your dreams.  You can still reach your dreams, if not literally, then metaphorically.

Three, continue to keep learning and educate yourself, may it be through formal education or something that you pick up from someone from the street.  Knowledge will always set you free, so don't stop learning.

So, those are the three lessons I would teach children.  What three lessons would you teach children and why?

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Picture credit:  http://prhslibrary.com/pictures/book-thief-300-dpi.jpg

Earlier in the year, my boss loaned me her son's copy of Markus Zusak's, The Book Thief .  The book is hailed as "brilliant," "extraordinary," and a "bestseller."  I usually don't let such mainstream accolades dictate what I should or shouldn't read.  I read a book (and will stop reading a book midway) because I choose to.  I finally finished the book this morning and I know why the book can be "life changing."

The story is told from Death's point of view, especially as it centers around Liesel Meminger's life during Nazi Germany from the late 1930s and early 1940s.  I will not give much away, other than that Liesel Meminger is one of the main characters (other than Death), she learns to read and write, she is a German girl living in Germany when Hitler has come to power, and she must endure many tragedies.

The book is well written.  It didn't come across like that at first, but it is well written.  To say that this book is gloomy, may be an understatement.  It's also a soul searing book, one that will spur you to ask why humans are the way they are.  The book's intended audience is young adults, which is a bit surprising due to the gruesome topics (e.g. death, war, Nazi Germany).  But then, tragic events occur and have occurred, and shouldn't be hidden nor sugar coated and spoon-fed to young adults.

I started reading the book earlier in the year, when Minnesota was still dark, dreary, and cold.  It also didn't help that my own soul was enveloped in its own sadness and darkness.   As I got into a quarter of the book, I had to set it aside.  I found the topics and emotions too hard on my already beaten down soul.  So, it sat around my house for the last several months.  Then about a week ago, I decided that I was ready to read this book again.  I think my soul was up to the challenge of finishing it.  I'm very glad that I did.  It's a great book, despite the gloominess.

There were so many points in the book that resonated with me.  I will briefly share one with you.  In the book, Liesel finally kisses her best friend, Rudy.  It's a bittersweet kiss, and reminds me of the bittersweet kisses I've had.  Unlike Liesel, I kissed my loves when it mattered the most, and if it was my last kiss, I made it count.

Anyhow, it's my understanding that a movie, based upon the book, was just released.  I haven't seen it, and I don't intend to see it any time soon.  The book really is wonderful and I don't want Hollywood's version of it ruining my memories of the book.  I'd encourage you to read The Book Thief if you have the time.  If you've already read it, let me know what you think.