Learning to Love Myself

“I learned to love myself, because I sleep with myself every night and I wake up with myself every morning, and if I don’t like myself, there’s no reason to even live the life [...] They try to paint the picture that I was this downtrodden, ugly girl who was unpopular in school and in life and then I got this role and now I’m awesome, but the truth is that I’ve been awesome, and then I got this role.” – Gabourey Sidibe

In the last several days, I have been trying to forge a path to rediscovering myself again and to learn to love myself again.  I really don't hate myself or my life, but I don't really love life.  I think I've been lacking a lot of self love, and I'm trying to figure out why and how I can make myself  happier.  Many things are going through my mind and I'm trying to piece bits of pieces together to just try and make some sense of my life.  I'm trying to actually learn from observation and really learn from others.  For example, in observing a friend and his behavior, I am reminded that I am not as kind as I would like to be (by the way, being kind is not the same thing as being nice).  He makes me want to be a kinder person and to be more forgiving. He makes me want to be a better person.

 

Also, in observing another friend and her relationship (in which her affection isn't being returned at the moment), I am reminded that I have loved AND have been loved by a wonderful Friend.  Even when I am feeling most wretched and unloved, I must remind myself that for a moment, I was loved by someone who's heart was so wide and deep that he forgave me for all of my transgressions.  This person makes me want to love again, unselfishly and with all of my heart.

So, I am learning to love myself again.  I hope to get to the point where Gabourey Sidibe is at and finally realize that I have been awesome all along.

How about you?  How have you been treating yourself lately?

The above excerpt is from My Thoughts on Gabourey “Gabby” Sidibe | A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss

Sharing What I Am Thankful For

"If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share." ---W. Clement Stone

Happy Thanksgiving.  Although I haven't really been celebrating the holiday in the last several years, I do believe in the spirit of the holiday.  Thus, I'd like to share what I am thankful for in my present life.

 

I am thankful for my health.  I am reminded by my co-worker of my ability to walk with ease, that I am not needing prescription medication for pain relief, and that I am healthy mentally (yes, it may not seem like it some days). 

 

I am thankful for my family.  I know that my family is dysfunctional.  I recognize that my siblings and I are unique individuals with very different thoughts and ways of doing things.  I am also proud that we can still continue to rely on one another and to help one another through the really really tough times.  I still love you all, despite the dysfunction.

 

I am thankful for my close friends.  Those who answer my calls at the most inopportune times, those that listen to me cry about work and my insecurities, those that opt to deal with my good and bad moods, and those that just bring a smile to my face with their voices.  Thank you for your time, for your support, for your advice, and thank you for just listening to me.

 

What are you most thankful for in your life?

Summer Sunset

 

[Taken August 2012.]

In a Funk, Again

I've been in a funk for the longest time.  I'm really sorry that that is what I'm sharing here on my blog.  Unfortunately, much of it surrounds my sucky love life.  Seriously, my love life is in shambles and needs to be revamped.  Just when I thought that I was on the verge of recovery, something happens that puts me back into my funk.

 

I realize that I'm not really good at letting people go.  I need to just let people go.  I need to learn to say good bye and not think about the "what ifs."  I retrospect, had I just let that person go and not thought about it, I think my love live wouldn't be as complicated nor as sad as it is right now.  At the same time, I admit that I have a double standard.  I'm not saying that it's right.  I'm just admitting that I do have a double standard.  At least I can admit to it.  I'm also trying hard to undo my double standard.

 

So, as much as I want to get out of this funk, I can't.  I really don't want to be in it too because it affects so much of my life (e.g. cleaning, exercising, and being productive are not priorities any more).  However, it's going to take time, and lots of it, to get out of this funk.  At the moment, my heart is tired and heavy.  It wants a long, long, long, good cry, and then some rest.  I guess I need to hunker down again.

 

I hope all is well in your world.

 

Looking for a Ray of Sunshine

A Happy Memory: Reading Rainbow Pizza

Lately, I've been feeling out of sorts with some of my family members, especially my mother.  I've realized several months ago that my loyalty to her has changed some.  Of course, I still love her a lot, but I have questioned my loyalty to her.  So, while thinking over my issues with my mother, some of my childhood memories came back up, and one that I wanted to share.

 

 

Well, I loved reading when I was younger (no surprise, right?)  So, when I was in elementary school, I participated in the Reading Rainbow program, which I think partnered up with Pizza Hut.  Thus, whenever I finished reading a certain number of books, I got a pizza coupon for a free mini personal pizza.

 

 

When I got my first coupon, I remember my parents taking me to Pizza Hut to get my mini personal pizza.  After twenty minutes of waiting, I received a pizza that was no bigger than five inches across, cut into four little pieces.  Of course, I took that pizza home and shared a bite with all of my brothers and sisters.  After that first pizza, I continued to read even more (I think I even encouraged my younger siblings to read more too) so that I could get more coupons.  Of course, the next time (and many times thereafter) I went back to Pizza Hut with my parents, I had lots of pizza coupons to redeem all at once, so that there were enough pizzas for all of my family members, including my parents.

 

 

I love this memory because things were so innocent.  How life has changed.

 

 

Do you have any happy memories from your childhood that you'd like to share?

One Last Time

Go ROCK THE VOTE!

Before I voted....

People, whatever your political views are, please go and VOTE.  I know that not every state is like Minnesota where one can just register to vote right at the polls.  But, if your state is like Minnesota, then go out, register, and vote today.

After I voted!

I found it to be quite exciting once I turned in my ballot.  It's definitely one of the few times in my life where I feel as if I was a part of a bigger collective effort.  So did you vote? 

If you want to know more about your state's requirement, check out this website:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/thought-catalog/millennial-guide-to-voting_b_1897607.html