This morning I woke up from a dream that stayed with me for a bit. It was long enough for me to remember that the dream concerned two guys from my past. One was a former college friend whom I've cut out of my life and the other was my college ex-boyfriend, whom I've also cut out of my life. (Why I've cut them out of my life, those are stories for another time). This dream only helped me to realize that in the last several weeks, I've not only had dreams about these two persons but also about my high school sweetheart. So, what am I making of these dreams? Well, I'm not sure.
With regards to my college ex-boyfriend, I really don't want to have any contact with him. In any shape or form. Seriously, he can stay in his lane and I'll stay in my lane, and our lanes don't ever have to meet. I don't wish anything for him other than a good life. I did hear through the grapevine that he said his current wife is the "love of his life." To which I say, good for him. I'm glad to hear that he's found someone he can commit himself to, not lie or cheat on, and be himself. I know I wasn't the love of his life, and he definitely wasn't mine. Through a lot of introspection, I've realized that we were toxic for each other and I really had a lot of issues (about self love) that I had to work through. Now, why am I still having dreams about him? Maybe he's thinking about me and it somehow is connecting to my dreams. Or I'm still working out on detoxifying him from my soul. It's most likely the second reason because over this past Thanksgiving holiday, I really really worked hard on detoxifying myself. I've thought that I've worked through my issues surrounding him, but maybe there are still some lingering things (soul-wise) that I need to finally let go (even things I'm not realizing).
Now what about the two other guys? Well, I haven't seen either guy in almost 20 years. I hear about them from people I know. And honestly, I don't feel the need nor the desire to have contact with either too. I do believe that if ever in the far future (assuming we are really really old and still alive), we do come across one another, I wouldn't mind going out for coffee and having a platonic conversation, respectively with each one of them. I'd ask how he'd lived his life, was he happy, were there things he would have changed, what had he experienced in life, and for us to just share our lives in a long conversation about life, love, and lessons. Yes, this is a totally romanticized version of what I'd like, and probably won't happen, but it's okay. At least I think this is why these two guys keep popping into my dreams. It's probably my way of communicating my life (whether to them spiritually, or communicating to myself about the state of my life) and making sense of the life I'm leading right now.
So what is the current state of my life? At this point, I know that I've married the person I needed to marry (I love him oh so much) and my children are the loves of my life. I know that I am more capable than what I give myself credit for, and I am successful. There is still so much more living and loving to do and I can't wait to see what life has in store for my family and me.
What about you? What is the state of your life?
