Feelin' So Fly, Like a G-6

Yesterday, I went tandem skydiving for the first time in my life.  It was quite an experience and I'm glad I did it.  I'd encourage you to do it too, but it's definitely not for the faint of heart and those with heart problems.

I was supposed to have done this earlier in the month but it got postponed because of the weather.  Yesterday was a good day and I left work early.  After getting to the skydiving site and signing my life away, I got harnessed up and joined a bunch of others in a small plane.  As we ascended into the clouds, it was still a bit cloudy, but the ride was great.  I hate flying on large commercial planes because I get airsick so easily, but for some reason, I didn't get sick and I loved the feeling of being so high in the sky.



Time to jump!!!



Then, when we got to the right altitude, it was time to jump out of the plane.  I can truly say that I was not afraid to jump.  So, I was the second person to jump out.  OMG!!!  The free fall was crazy.  We fell through some gray clouds, the mist was hitting me in the face (my exposed skin felt like I was pricked all over) and I couldn't even scream because it felt as if the air was coming at me so fast.  Then when I thought that I couldn't take it any more (and my cheeks looked like chipmunk cheeks), the clouds parted, the sky turned blue, and our parachute came out.

Free falling.

The view was so beautiful!  The experience was so beautiful!  Life is so beautiful!  I loved parachuting down to the ground.  If this is how a bird feels like when flying, then I'd love to have wings.

Look at that horizon.  Can you see the rainstorm wetting only a certain portion of the geography?

Eventually I was glad to be on solid ground, but I LOVED the experience.  It was so well worth the time and effort.  I'm so glad that I did this at my age and didn't put it off any longer.



Time to come on down.  What a beautiful experience.



Will I do this again, maybe.  I guess it depends on who would do it with me.  How about you?  Have you gone skydiving and/or tandem skydiving before?  If you haven't would you think you would do it?

Friday's Quote: Khalil Gibran

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them."---Khalil Gibran

 

I think about some of the choices I've made in my life and the paths that I've taken.  Sometimes I think I've made the decisions I made because it was the "right" decision to make at the time, regardless of what my emotions were at the time.

I think about the time when I came to Minnesota for school.  At the time, I didn't realize that I was already choosing my joys and sorrows.  I made my decision to come to school in Minnesota because I really wanted to go to school and the university in Minnesota was the only school that accepted me (I applied to at least ten other schools in various states).  I don't think happiness or sadness played a part in my decision.  My decision was very matter-of-fact and, as I just stated, because this university was the only one that accepted me and I didn't want to put off my education any further.

Of course, I was cognizant of some of the joys and sorrows that would occur, but it's only after coming here did I experience the joys and sorrows of my decision.  I was so happy to be able to further my schooling and career, to be able to graduate from the university, and to have met so many wonderful people.  Yet, the sorrows I encountered were loneliness, the dang Minnesota cold, and knowledge that I've missed out so much of my family (e.g. seeing my younger brothers grow up, not celebrating holidays/birthdays with my nieces and nephews, just not having the presence of my parents).  Even now, I don't know if it's a joy or a sorrow to continue to live in Minnesota.  I guess, life happens.

What joy and sorrow did you choose before you even were able to experience these emotions?

Mr. Saxophone Player

[Taken in Memphis, TN on June 8, 2013.]

Gratitude

I was talking with an old friend last night and was reminded of the madness that was my life.  It was nice to go down memory lane, but sometimes it was also painful to relive certain memories.  Of course, I was also reminded of all the people that were integral to my life and helped make it more bearable.

I remember my chaotic family and all the struggles we went through.  I also remembered the struggles I had as an individual, trying to establish myself while away from my family.  I have to say, during those tough times in my life, I am very appreciative that I had certain people in my life.  For example, while during college, I am glad I had my sister.  I know we had our difficulties and rough moments, but I love her dearly and I love her for the times she was there for me.  

Also, during college, I am appreciative for my beau at the time.  He was my crutch and my world during that time.  Despite our differences, the angst, and the fact that we were so young, I hope he knows that I loved him fiercely and with abandon.  I still wonder why he was with me for so long, but regardless, I wouldn't have survived my time in college without him.

I am also appreciative for my Friend, who was my beau while in Minnesota.  I too wonder why he was with me for so long, but regardless, I KNOW that it is because of him that I survived my experience in Minnesota and came out whole.  I love him and I know that there is still much about love that I need to learn from him.  I don't know how it is that he came into my life, and I still wonder how it is that I ever deserved his love and his time.  Thank you, Friend.

I hope that you get a chance to tell those that have greatly affected you, how grateful you are to them.  Have you had a chance to thank them, if not in person than in a prayer?

Friday's Quote: Joseph Roux

"When unhappy, one doubts everything; when happy, one doubts nothing."---Joseph Roux

 

I will spare you my thoughts about how the above quote applies to relationships, especially my sad relationships.  Yes, no more talk about my sad relationships (I'm sure you're tired of reading about it and even I'm tired of living through it).  Today, I will apply the above quote to my writing.

I have been trying to write on a consistent basis.  I'm not as consistent as I'd like to be, but I am trying.  When I'm able to silence the critic inside of me, I have no doubts and I believe in what I'm writing.  Now, when the inner critic gets the best of me, I become unhappy and doubt myself and my abilities.  I hate when I doubt myself, not that doubting is such a bad thing.  The real problem is that I am my biggest critic (really, I am).  I'm really tough on myself and hardly ever give myself a break.  I'm always pointing out my own errors to myself and wonder how I could be better.  I've realized that I need to be less harsh on myself. 

I have found that I'm not alone, and that other writers are feeling what I'm feeling and go through similar emotions.  It does make me feel a little bit better and it makes me realize that I really do need to silence the inner critic and to follow my intuition, happy or unhappy.

What makes you doubt everything when happy, yet makes you doubt nothing when happy?

Dog Park Sculpture

[Taken in Memphis, TN on June 8, 2013.]

World, Here I Come

Yesterday was so exciting because I received my passport in the mail.  I applied for it on the 5th of this month and I didn't even expedite the process.  I thought I would receive it at the end of summer or the beginning of fall, but it came in less than two weeks.  Hooray! 

 

This is the first passport I've ever held in my life.  I don't know why it took me so long to get a passport, but now that I've got one, the possibilities are endless (at least in my dreams).  I still hate to fly, and there are the issues of money and vacation time, but I'll figure that out.  I already have an idea of where I want to go first, but I need to plan.

 

Do you have a passport?  If yes, where have you gone?

Random Awesomeness: Usher v. Usher

Picture Source:  http://www.e93fm.com

Over the weekend I came across this short commercial promoting Usher's "new" song, "Looking 4 Myself" and Samsung's new smart television.  The whole thing is awesome.  

I loved the Samsung smart television, although I doubt that I'll ever be able to afford it.  Of course, I also loved the concept of Usher v. Usher.  (I love Usher!)  It's Good Usher v. Bad Usher, and I don't really care at this point who "wins."  It was just a pretty fun commercial to watch.  The fighting and action sequences totally reminded me of Dragon Ball Z.  (I love Dragon Ball Z!)

Let me know what you think.  Check out the video at this website:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMsrPokGqVE

Not Caring is Hard to Do

I can be a bit overprotective of those I love.  I don't mean to be, I just do.  So, when I can't be a part of that person's life in a certain way, it's so hard for me to not care.  It really is.  I'm actually causing myself so much more heartache at the expense of someone who doesn't even know how much I still care and doesn't even care that I still care.  I suck, right?

For example, with my brothers, I love them dearly but I don't approve of some of the things they do.  At this point, since everyone is an adult, there's not much else I can do.  I cannot control their actions and just have to pull away and try not to care too much.  It's hard, considering that I am their sister.  Of course, I do hear of their escapades because my sisters love to share with me, but sometimes I have to tell them that I don't want to hear what they have to tell me.

Then there's Somebody that I use to know.  Unfortunately, I still care for this person and I think about this Somebody from time to time.  This Somebody didn't get a chance to party hard as a young adult so now is Somebody's time to drink and party hard.  I'm concerned for Somebody and I do worry once in a while about his well being, but what good is it going to do me?

Then, there's my Friend.  I worry about him.  I worry that he's not going to find someone to love him, to marry him, and to have his children.  I worry that he's not going to get what he wants from life.  I only want to see him happy.

So, these are some of the things that occupy my mind (and my heart), even when  I don't want it to.  Do you have a hard time not caring?

Grieving is NORMAL

I promise that my life is not all doom and gloom.  :)

 

I only wanted to share some information about the five stages of grieving.  Now, this theory of the "Five Stages of Grief" isn't universally accepted, but it has made a big impact in helping people understand loss in their own lives.  The general gist of this theory is that when a person is grieving, she may experience the following five stages:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

For myself, the theory helped me recognize that the emotions I was feeling was normal when I lost someone special to me.  For example, while I was mourning for a person that I really loved, somebody told me that it was "unhealthy" for me to "continue to feel sad and unhappy."  I'm sure s/he may have had some good intentions or maybe s/he was trying to absolve his/her own guilt.  Regardless, his/her words made me question my emotions.  Yet, considering that my loss was still so fresh, I knew that what I was feeling was healthy and normal (especially since I had no intentions of hurting myself or another), and I was only going through the stages of grief. 

 

I went through all five stages.  I was in a brief state of denial.  Then I was very angry, and I think the anger was indicative of the pain I was feeling underneath.  The anger may also be indicative of the intensity of love felt towards this person.  I know I bargained, asking lots of "What if...." statements and wishing that I could change the past.  Of course I was depressed, and I was so sad.  Then when the sadness couldn't get any deeper into my soul, there's acceptance.  Now, acceptance doesn't mean that I'm fine overall.  It just means that I accept that this person will not longer be a part of my life, and I'm okay with that knowledge.

I really encourage you to go read more about the Five Stages of Grief.  Even if you don't agree, it's really interesting.  For more information about the Five Stages of Grief, please go to this website:  http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

Have you heard of the five stages of grief?  Have you gone through these stages?

Friday's Quote: Ernest Shackleton

"Difficulties are just things to overcome, after all."---Ernest Shackleton

 

Lately, I feel as if my life has been in shambles.  It's almost as if a piece of the puzzle is out of place and then the rest of the puzzle, especially the areas closest to the missing puzzle piece, are coming out and falling apart.  At least I recognize that I have a missing puzzle piece and I need to do something about it.  I also recognize that finding a replacement for this missing puzzle piece requires lots of time and lots of introspection.

I cannot hurry up time (although, I wish I could be like Superman and spin the world on its axis to make time go by faster), but with the time I've had, I've spent much of it on self reflection and trying to restore some stability to my life.  I have my good days (which are even more awesome when the sun is out and shining bright), and I have my bad days (which sucks when the sun is out and shining bright).  At least I know that I am working through my issues and know that I am doing it because I have to and I want to.  I am not doing it because I have someone waiting for me right now or waiting for me at the end (seriously, I don't want any kind of rebound).

I recognize this is just a difficult time in my life that I must overcome.  As much as I want this difficult time to end right now, I know it is a path that I must go on and it is just a passage from one stage of my life to the next.  It's always darkest before the dawn.  So, while it's dark right now, I will continue to move forward and know that when the dawn arrives, I will have nobody in my heart other than myself.  When I am ready to shake off my graceless heart, I will cut it out and restart.

This is the state of mind that I hope to attain:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCWnVznnWcs

What difficulties have you overcome?

Good Golly, Miss Polly's

[Taken June 7, 2013 in Memphis, TN.]

Nashville, Tennessee

Since my friend and I were already in Memphis, TN, we decided to go and visit Nashville.  It was a three hour drive from Memphis to Nashville and it was unfortunate that we didn't get to do as much as I would've liked.  Yet, it was a good experience overall.

When we first got within Nashville's city limits, it was close to noon and we found our way to a restaurant called the Pancake Pantry, which was several blocks away from Vanderbilt University.  I came across this restaurant from an online review, so I thought it would be fun to check it out.  

This painting really represented our wait in line to get a seat and the closest experience to a Portlandia episode.

The line was out the door and went around the corner.  I really felt like I was in a Portlandia episode.  Anyhow, it took them thirty minutes to seat us and we ordered what they were best known for, pancakes and hash browns.  The pancakes were light, fluffy and good, but it's the hash browns that really got my attention.  The hash browns were crispy on the outside, soft on the inside and very well seasoned.  It was definitely one of the best tasting hash browns I've ever had at a restaurant.  Yummy!

Then we headed over to the Hermitage, which was the home of President Andrew Jackson (you'll recognize him from the twenty-dollar bill).  We both spent approximately two hours there, touring the Hermitage, the existing slave homes, the formal garden and burial ground, and the general grounds.  There was still more to see, but we didn't have enough time because it was closing.  It was a very peaceful experience but at the same time the issue of slavery was very prominent.

A slave house that was occupied by a former slave and servant, Alfred.

Bare furnishings that were in the slave house.

We then headed to downtown Nashville.  At first I was wondering where all the people were at, considering it was downtown Nashville, the Country Music Awards weekend, and a Saturday evening.  After crossing through a sketchy alley, we found lots and lots and lots of people out and about.  

I found the Printers Alley a little bit sketchy.

I loved walking around and looking at all the people.  I loved how people there wore cowboy boots with just about anything and everything (e.g. formal dresses, shorts, jeans, etc.).  I almost bought myself a pair of cowboy boots too, but had second thoughts.

The common denominator:  BOOTS!

It was getting dark by then and I would've loved to have stay longer, but it was a three hour drive back.  I don't know if I would get another chance to return to Nashville, but it was a good experience.

These boots were made for walking, but not on my feet.

Have you been to Nashville?  Where did you go or where would you like to go and see?

Memphis, Tennessee

I saw a PBS episode about Memphis, TN, so I decided that my friend and I should just go there and explore.  So we did.

Beale Street in the daylight.

We stayed in downtown Memphis and did A LOT of walking.  We didn't get to do all of the things that were recommended to us, but it was still very enjoyable.  The other benefit was that on all of the days we were there, the weather was hot, humid, and sunny.  I loved the weather (I heard that it was wet and miserable in MN while I was on my trip).

More of Beale Street.

We stayed near Beale Street, which is home to several blues and jazz clubs.  There were nightly street performances and lots of live music.  If you love live musical performances, then Beale Street would've been a great place to just sit and enjoy the atmosphere.  There were lots of interesting signs and of course I wanted to go to a voodoo shop, but there was none to be found.  

What I found so interesting about downtown Memphis was that there was a lot of different styles of buildings, with the old meshing in with the new.  At the same time, there were areas that really needed to be developed that sat next to places that were super modern and developed.  They also had trolleys that went up and down the business district in the downtown area.

Downtown Memphis, complete with trolleys and horse drawn carriage rides.

We also walked down to the National Civil Rights Museum.  While on our way there, we met some guy named Hollywood.  He showed us his tattoo of his name and joked with us for a little bit.  Did I mention that the people in Memphis were generally really friendly?  People would say "hi" to us or just chatted up with us as we passed by.  

Hollywood in his red suit.  The Lorraine Hotel is in the background.

 As Hollywood went on his merry way with his bottle in a paper bag, we headed towards the Lorraine Motel.  It was at this motel that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated.  The museum and the motel were undergoing renovations when we were there.  Even though I didn't go into the museum, I was profoundly moved by just being in the same vicinity where Dr. King was assassinated.  It felt as if all of history was coming and hitting me all at once, and the impact was overwhelming.

Room 306 of the Lorraine Motel, the site where Dr. King was assassinated.

We also went to Mud Island, which boasts an exact scale of the lower Mississippi River (from Illinois to the Gulf Coast).  It was a wonderful walk and I really loved walking on and about the replica of the Mississippi River.

A view of a portion of the replica of the Mississippi River on Mud Island.

The celebrities at the Peabody Hotel.

We also went to the Peabody Hotel and saw the live ducks in the hotel's fountain.  There's a story as to why the hotel keeps live ducks in its fountain, but the most relevant thing is that every day, at 11:00 a.m. there is the marching of the ducks from the elevators (from the roof top) to the fountain, and at 5:00 p.m. the ducks are marched from the fountain and back into the elevator.  And, the ducks are given a red carpet to march.  My gosh, there were a lot of pomp and sooo many people that come out to just watch the marching of the ducks.  One could've of easily thought that people were flocking to see a movie star or something.

A pale comparison to the "original" Voodoo Doughnut (in my opinion).

Now, my friend and I didn't get a chance to go to Graceland (Elvis' home), but we did get to go to Nashville.  That, will be another story for another day.

The "blues" will follow you, regardless of where you go.

Have you ever been to Memphis, TN?  Would you like to go or what was your experience like?

If you want to find out more information about the Civil Rights Museum, check out this website:  http://www.civilrightsmuseum.org/

More information about Mud Island can be found here:  http://www.mudisland.com/

If you want to know more about the Peabody Hotel and its ducks, go to this website:  http://www.peabodymemphis.com/peabody-ducks/

Conversations

[Taken June 1, 2013, Saint Paul, MN.]

Brothers and Sisters

In a blog post dated November 4, 2011, I wrote briefly about my deceased brother.  Lately, with all of the things going on in my life, I've been thinking about writing about him.  More specifically, I'd use his death and the circumstance of his death as a springboard to write about my family and about some of the cultural issues and other things related to his death.

It's just an idea.  Really, this idea has been percolating in my head for a very long time.  At this point, I don't care if what I write ever officially gets published.  In the end, I hope that my writing would be a labor of love, a way to chronicle a moment in time in my family, a way to figure out what happened to my brother, and maybe a way to raise awareness.  My ultimate hope, if it ever gets to the published stage, would just be that I can print off several copies of my writing and give it to my immediate family members.

I've been thinking about how to go about writing about my brother and my family.  Of course, I think that I will need the blessings of my family members (especially my brothers and sisters) if I were to try and move forward with this endeavor because it would require their participation.  More importantly, it would require their acknowledgement that some of their private thoughts may no longer be private.

Sisters and brothers, brothers and sisters, my siblings, what do you think?

Last Friday Night: Electric Run 5k

"Last Friday night, Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar, So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night, We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark, Then had a menage a trois"  --- Katy Perry,  "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)"

Waiting for the race to start.

Now, I've maxed out my credit cards, got kicked out of a club and hit the boulevard.   Secretly, I wished that I had gone streaking in the park and went skinny dipping in the dark, although I'm not too sure about the menage a trois.  What I did last Friday night was much more tame, but still just as fun.

My glow-in-the-dark mustache and goatee.  Do you like?

So last Friday night (just last night), I participated in the Electric Run 5k.  It was quite an experience and I'm so glad my coworker talked me into doing it.  The race totally reminded me of my college years because I felt as if I was at a rave throughout the entire race, even though I've  never been to a rave in my entire life.

It says, "I (heart) the Rock."

There were neon lights, black lights, glow-in-the-dark paint, glow sticks/bracelets/necklaces, crazy people wearing crazy outfits, beautiful lit up displays, and lots of techno/electronic music.  I walked the entire race (I still have hip issues) trying to avoid the huge puddles (it had rained and hailed throughout the day).  I also danced and sang during the race too.  I painted my face and the top of one of my hands (I wanted to write on both) with glow in the dark paint.  I tried to do a tribute to Fast and Furious 6, but was only able to write on one hand because the paint wouldn't dry and I didn't want the paint all over my clothes.

I had so much fun and was glad to be doing something atypical on a Friday night.  Hope you had a great Friday night.  What did you do last Friday night?